I think eight-and nine-year-old boys get a bum rap for being eight- and nine-year-old boys. Having taught third grade for 27 wonderful years, I can safely say that most of the fears parents have about their uncontrollable boys will happen unless they change the way they see their boys.
Eight-and nine-year-old boys are thrown into an environment that is not conducive to their growth. They are being asked to sit quietly while their bodies want to move. They are asked to write on fine lines while using what I call ‘Puppy Dog Paws.” They are like Labrador puppies being asked to act like full grown dogs. Writing on fine lines and comparing themselves to the girl next to them can cause them to form unrealistic opinions about their abilities.
Over the 55 years in the classroom, I have asked hundreds of boys, who were struggling in third grade, when they got the feeling that they weren’t smart. Every one of them formed opinions about their smartness at very young ages. Most decided they weren’t smart in kindergarten, once kindergarten became more academic and less developmental. When preschool became academic, more boys were forming negative self-images as young as 2.5 and 3 years of age.
One might wonder why they would form a negative image at such young ages. The following were responses to the question, “When did you decide you weren’t smart?”
“I guess it was the first day preschool. I was I think 3 years old when the teacher asked us to put our names on a blank piece of paper. The other kids could do it and I had no clue how to write my name.”
“It was kindergarten. My teacher complimented all the girls around me on their penmanship and told me to keep working at it.”
“I was in preschool when I couldn’t color in the lines. I decided my parents and grandparents were liars about how smart I was, and I couldn’t even color in the lines. The girls around me were doing it perfectly.”
“I knew it when I was in first grade. When the teacher put my work up on the board between two girl’s work that looked perfect. I could tell I wasn’t as good as them.”
“The teacher kept making me sit down like the other kids and I just could not concentrate. I thought, ‘Smart people can concentrate when they sit down, so I must not be smart.’ ”
All the reasons share one thing in common. These brilliant boys were unfairly judging themselves based upon their incredible ability to compare themselves to others. Being able to do that at a young age is indicative of high intellectual ability. I shared, “When you compared yourself to others, you were showing how smart you are. It takes higher intelligence to decide one isn’t smart. Dumb students have no clue they are dumb. They go about their day without a care in the world.”
I pointed out the following to those who shared with me:
“You are unfairly judging yourself. You couldn’t write your name in preschool because no one had taught you. Your classmates were taught before they ever went to preschool.”
“You are working with Puppy Dog Paws. That means your hands are not working efficiently like a puppy who will grow into a big dog. Once you grow into your body, which could take until you are in 9th grade, writing may be challenging. It’s doesn’t indicate smartness. Typing is going to be your friend, so I would suggest you practice it daily. Use the speech to write app on your computer to help you record your ideas, because you have already demonstrated how brilliant your ideas can be compared to those who can write easily.” Many times, these boys would come back to share that they finally grew into their hands and school had become easier for them.
“If you are uncomfortable with the way your work looks, tell the teacher, and ask that your work not be put up on display.”
“If sitting is hard for you because it requires students to have strong stomach muscles, which you might not have until you reach your teens. It takes more core muscle strength to write when sitting than standing. If you try standing up and write, you will find you can write more for a longer period. Ask the teacher for permission to stand at the counter and write. Many teachers are not aware of this and sharing this information with your teachers will help you and other students who may have the same challenge.”
“You have a hard time sitting still because you are 8 and 8-year-old boys need to move. Just know it isn’t going to be easy. Try sitting on a chair in which you have opportunities for movement. Swivel chairs or pedestal chairs can make school easier for you.”
Of the hundreds of rambunctious boys I have taught, I can safely say they eventually grow into amazing young men who know that a struggle just makes one stronger.